Dressage in the year 2030
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Dressage in the year 2030
by Gigha Steinman
After changing the ruling to allow riders to go topless, to increase spectator interest, dressage is now getting more television airtime than the NFL and NBA combined.
After winning her 7th consecutive Olympics, Anky is now at the heart of controversy once again, this time for training her horses telepathically. In related news, her son will be competing in his second Olympics in 2032.
Human life expectancy now 140 years. “Old-dead-guy” (ODG) internet slang replaced with simply “old-guy”, to take this into account.
Average size of the typical warmblood: 22.1 hands.
The new ruling regarding tack has determined the maximum thickness of kneeroll padding allowed is 9 inches. However, a last minute convention decision has overruled the ban on saddle seatbelts, effective immediately.
After decades of breeding for huge gaits, and with the average warmblood standing 22.1 hands, the dressage arena dimensions have again been expanded and now measures 180 meters x 90 meters, mostly to allow room for the extended trot.
Only 6 trainers remain in the entire world who are able to train a horse from start to Grand Prix themselves. In related news, the cost of a Grand Prix schoolmaster now averages 8.2 million dollars.
The FEI rulebook for dressage is now 118,346 pages long. Specific guidelines are included for judging degrees of “behind the vertical”, and a new ruling now requires that every competition must have at least two judges -- one of whom is responsible only for judging the head positioning (see article 848,976.93 section C.)
The halt has been removed from all dressage tests. Piaffe, passage, and the extended trot now make up 76% of the Grand Prix.
Although competitors are now allowed to compete treeless, girthless, bitless, (and now topless), the rules continue to require stirrups. (?)
Gas now averages $11.50 a gallon, and no truck manufacturer has yet been able to produce a hybrid vehicle capable of hauling even one 22+ hand horse.
Scientists are busy trying to figure out how to ship semen via the internet. In related news, it is rumored that a mare in the U.S. has given birth to a foal -- naturally. Scientists are stumped.
The FEI is holding another emergency meeting to decide how to deal with cloning, after the fiasco at the last Olympics, where there were 3 Bonfires, 4 Gigolos, 4 Gifteds, and 2 Salineros (including “the original” Salinero, still competing in his mid 30’s, thanks to advances in veterinary medicine.) In related news, the FEI is expected to rule this month on which Gigolo was really the Bronze medal winner in 2028.
Message édité par: Delespaux, à: 2007/02/08 15:18
Hi Gigi! How are things in Georgia? This funny story is a nice example of difference in culture between USA/UK and France. It was not so appreciated when the French translation was posted by Andy. Absurd, isn'it?
I don’t think so Vincent. On the contrary I guess that many French people appreciated the translation of this funny text, and I smiled myself. The danger for me would be a misunderstanding about the purpose of this association: we want to help Dressage to improve in a good way and greeting it with derision doesn’t seem to be the good way.
From that point of view, I agree, it makes sens and I get the point. Thanks for the clarification.
Col. Carde: I appreciate your thinking. Training, teaching and riding is a very serious part of equestrian life. The problem I see is that people here in the USA are so caught up in "what they should be doing" that they never feel the joy of what is between horse and rider.. I always try to bring a "joke" in to training now and again to open ones thinking up. It is so much easier to train with a relaxed atmosphere then it is to train with someone always drilling the "right" things.
I teach and train with much feeling for horse and rider. If people read this and get the "feeling" then I suppose they can understand where the thought came from. If they read this and feel that it is totally off the line then I feel bad. Too many people train with an attitude that it has to happen NOW without this feeling that maybe tomorrow will be ok. So, within these words that are written, I find a bit of humor but yet in a good way. As far as a purpose??????????? I think the words were condeming what we see now and what we need to see forever. The thought is lost because people cannot open their mind no matter..............................
Thank you for your words of wisdom and humor.............
gigi
Dressage and equitaion should be fun, and are only a source of great joy when the fun is shared by the horse.
Along this way of thinking, in 1989, I wrote a newsletter "Sharing Cooperaion" that was republished in the 1991 Nov. issue of "Dressage & CT" among other equetrian publications.
FYI, I posted it at: bigsoar.com/soar4share.hml and related links.
Hopefully in 2030, logic and ligtness will prevail in equitaton and sharing cooperation will occur more often, even in competition.
Enjoy!
MK
Sierra Leone
A broken head judge is a judge that judge good
The last judge that ask a question goes well, he even breaths,
he breaths until we don't pull him off from his artificial lumb
////
Sierra Leone
Un juge bousillé est un juge qui note bien.
Le dernier juge qui a posé une question va bien, il respire même,
tant qu'on ne le débranche pas de son poumon artificiel.
HI! YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!! I AM STILL LAUGHING AFTER 10 MINUTES!! YOU MADE MY DAY! THANK YOU!!!
Allège Ideal
That was quite a read Gigha. I enjoyed it. Thanks